


Do you remember the time?

by cmspencerr



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, 2012, Angst, M/M, all that lovely stuff, break up ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 16:06:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12369276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmspencerr/pseuds/cmspencerr
Summary: It's 2012 and Dan and Phil are falling out of love it seems.





	Do you remember the time?

Lifting his hand in front of his face, Dan sighed in defeat when he couldn’t see his hand in front of his face from the fog. He had been mindlessly walking around for hours ignoring the fog until it was too late. He forgot why he was even walking around anymore. The cold that bit at him distracted him, erasing the thought from his mind completely. 

Physically he was cold and in pain. His nose was red alongside his fingers, which were also painfully numb. The kind of numb where you could feel it deep inside as it sends shocks of electric through you. His legs ached with each and every step he took. His lung filled with the toxic air that spread through him. Deep inside his bones were cold and his eyes stung from the cold.

Emotionally he was numb. He didn’t feel anything for the time being. It was as his mind built a wall to protect himself from being hurt anymore than what he already was. The feelings he previously had were gone as well, like they were sucked into a black hole and erased from existence and never to be seen again. 

He looked up into the midst of the fog, hoping to be able to see the night sky, but saw nothing but the grey clouds that he was entangled in. He sighed, but kept on walking hoping he wouldn’t walk into something or worse someone. Speaking of someone, there’s was only one on his mind that he wished he could talk to.  _ Phil.  _ Dan knew that he could simply go back home and talk to him, but it would end in them screaming at each other and Dan was tired of screaming and fighting. He wanted things back to normal, he wanted  _ his  _ boyfriend back. Not this distant person that Dan created. 

Things had been going downhill for months for him and Phil and he despised it. It seemed as if yesterday the two were meeting for the first time, Phil helping Dan move into his dorm, Dan showing up at Phil’s apartment in the middle of the night. It seemed as if yesterday Dan was moving in with Phil and the two finally could spend all the time they wanted together. Now it was different. The thin walls of their bedrooms became boundaries the other couldn’t overstep to be with the other. 

Lately all Dan did was sleep. He didn’t crawl out of bed until the late hours of the day. It made him feel as if he was a teenager again, with no one there for him; leaving him alone with his thoughts. He dreamt of Phil to, all the time, of his blue eyes and his black hair, despite he could see them if he wanted to. Phil hardly stirred after he went to bed, but lately as Dan laid in his own bed, staring at nothing, he could hear Phil crying quietly and pacing back and forth. He wanted to rush over and apologise and have everything back to normal, but it was never that easy. 

Checking the time on his phone, somehow hours had passed and it was now nearing 3 in the morning. The fog somehow hadn’t lifted really and Dan had no idea where he was. Unlocking his phone, he typed his and Phil’s address into the maps and made his way back home. 

As he walked, he worried if Phil would still be awake. If he was, what would he say? Would he yell at him for running away again? Or ignore him like he has been when Dan walks in anymore? Chills ran through him thinking about how things were going to go. He was tired of fighting, but it never ended. 

Dragging himself up the many stairs that it took to get to his apartment, he broke out into a nervous sweat. His hands were shaking while he dig his keys from his pocket. Bracing himself, he unlocked the door stepping inside. Taking his shoes off, he looked around,  _ Phil must be sleeping then,  _ he thought to himself and sighed in relief. Most of the lights were off except for the one in the bathroom that they usually kept on in case one of them woke up in the middle of the night. 

Cold air wrapped around him, causing him to shiver slightly. Furrowing his brow, he looked around noticed the door to their balcony was open. Walking quietly over, instead of closing the door, this undying urge came over him and he stepped outside. Staring over the city in awe there was one thing that had caught his eye in the distance.  _ The London Eye.  _ It was far in the distance, but somehow Dan could see the lights through the fog. 

“So you’re finally back?” Phil muttered as he leaned in the doorway. Dan jumped, whipping around, drawing his fist back before realising it was Phil. 

“Don’t do that. Warn me next time you’re gonna fucking scare me like that.” Dan spat, turning back around and looking over London. 

Phil walked onto the balcony and stood beside him, their arms ghosting beside each other. The numbness he felt from the cold disappeared when Phil’s arm hit his. It was just in that particular spot, everywhere else he was still numb except where Phil touched him. 

The London Eye caught his eyes again, reminding him of the time he went to the Manchester Eye with Phil. He went with him the week he stayed with Phil the first time. Dan remembers how he was extremely nervous and would push Phil away instantly. 

“Do you remember the time we went to the Manchester Eye?” Dan whispered quietly, scared of how Phil would answer him.

“We’re talking now?” Phil mumbled, looking at him.

“Just answer me.”

Sighing, Phil looked back over the city. “How could I forget? You kissed me for the first time.” 

_ Gulping, Dan looked down at his hand, which was intertwined with Phil’s. His nerves were skyrocketing and he was terrified. Dan just arrived at Manchester three days ago and was staying with Phil. The two had been inseparable since they started talking and it was worse now that they were together. Dan was attached to Phil by the hip, not that Phil was complaining, he adored Dan.  _

_ Dan, however, was over the moon. In the last few months of him and Phil talking, he fell fast and deep for the boy with blue eyes. He didn’t know if Phil felt the same way and he didn’t want to scare him off and make any kind of move. He was just happy being in the same presence as Phil, romantically or not.  _

_ “Come on Dan.” Phil said excitedly and started running, dragging Dan along with him.  _

_  
__“What are we even doing?!” Dan squealed, his voice cracking  and drenched in nervousness. “It better be worth running.”_  

_ Furrowing his brow, Dan noticed that they were heading towards the Manchester Eye. Looking back, Phil giggled, poking his tongue through his teeth. “Yeah I may or not have gotten tickets for this the day you said you bought the train ticket.”  _

_ “You buffoon.” Dan chuckled, shaking his head as they made their way there and onto the ride.  _

_ “You’re stuck with me.” Smiling Phil poked Dan’s cheek, leaning into him more than usual. Dan’s heart was beating fast, and he worried Phil could hear it and would realise everything. Looking at Phil, he smiled, noticing how Phil was staring out the window over the city as they were stopped at the top.  _

_ The lights illuminated his skin, making him more beautiful somehow and Dan wasn’t sure that was even possible. “Um Phil?” Dan whispered. Shuffling and looking at Dan, Phil hummed raising his eyebrow noticing Dan looked more scared. “I - “, taking a deep breath and bracing himself, Dan leaned in closing his eyes and swiftly connecting his lips to Phil’s. Instead of the rejection he was bracing for, he was shocked when Phil started kissing him back, and bringing his hand up to cup his face.  _

_ His stomach was doing flips and his heart was fluttering inhumanly. When Phil pulled away, resting his forehead to Dan’s, he smiled lightly. Returning the smile, Dan whispered, “I’ve been wanting to do that.”  _

_ “I’ve been waiting for you to do that.” Phil whispered back.  _

“I was nervous.” 

“That was pretty obvious.” 

Dan shoved him as Phil chuckled lightly. Falling into a silence again Dan kept staring out over the city. 

“Remember the first Christmas we spent together?” 

“We built snowmen and then had a snowball fight.” Dan laughed. 

“You also said you loved me for the first time as well…” Phil trailed off. 

_ “Phil no. It’s fucking freezing outside!” Dan groaned as Phil stood pouting.  _

_ “Come on Dan! You’re leaving tomorrow and tonight we’ll be with mum, dad, Martyn and Cornelia and won’t have any time alone. Please?”  _

_ Jumping on the bed beside Dan, Phil looked up at him, with wide sad puppy dog like eyes. “Phil don’t do it. It’s not gonna work this time.” Dan avoided looking at Phil. He knew if he did he would cave and he didn’t want to. Dan felt a sudden weight on him and looked to see Phil’s head on his lap, still looking at him with those same eyes.  _

_ “Fine god damn it!” Dan muttered shoving Phil off of him who was smiling. “Stop with the eyes already.”  _

_ Giggling, Phil leaned up and kissed Dan. “Sorry but it works like a charm.” _

_ Rushing to get ready the two soon found their way outside, with layers of clothes on the both of them. Dan’s nose was turning red already, as were Phil’s cheeks.  _

_ Dan watched as Phil bent down to grab some snow and started rolling it around. “Come on Dan. don’t you wanna make a snowman?”  _

_ “Fine.” Trudging through the snow, Dan helped him push the snow around, making it bigger with every passing second.  _

_ The two worked for about an hour, creating a snowman taller than them both. Dan leaned into Phil, who wrapped his arm around his waist. The two were silent a bit, basking in the others presence.  _

_ “I have an idea,” Dan mumbled, breaking away from Phil.  _

_ “That is?” Phil asked, only to receive a face full of snow as Dan laughed, clutching his sides in pain. Phil pouted and started throwing snow back at him. Each one dodging the snow being thrown were in nothing but a fit of laughter. Noticing Dan wasn’t paying attention, Phil ran and tackled him in the snow.  _

_ Sitting on Dan’s lap, Phil started laughing again with his tongue poking out of his mouth. “I had to I’m sorry.” He said noticing the look on Dan’s face and leaned down to kiss him.  _

_ “You’re lucky I love you.” Dan’s eyes widened slightly at what he said, as did Phil’s. _

_ “You - you love me?”  _

_ “Yeah..” Dan whispered, looking at him nervously. “I do.”  _

_ “I love you too, Dan.” _

“When did we start falling out like this?” Dan asked as tears brimmed his eyes. “When did we start hating each other an - and fighting and stop trying to make this work?” 

“I don’t know…” Phil said, looking towards Dan, frowning when he saw the tears start to roll down his cheeks. Shakily lifting his hand up, he brushed his thumb on Dan’s cheek, wiping the tears away.

“Why were things easier when we were younger?”

“Because that’s how it works.”

Dan at him through the blurry vision he had. Phil was right beside him, but still so far away. Dan worried he’d never be back in his grasp, that things would never be fixed. He worried that they were falling out of love faster than they fell in love.  _ I’m fine,  _ Dan thought,  _ things like this happen all the time.  _

“Do you still love me?” Phil asked him quietly, afraid of the answer himself. 

Dan hung his head, deep inside of himself he knew he loved Phil. He was just petrified to say that he did out loud anymore. The two had a love that seemed unbreakable. But it looked as if it the last strand of would snap anytime now and send them both tumbling backwards, further away from each other. 

“Y-yeah,” Dan whispered, still keeping his head hung. 

“I think we’ll be okay then. I know as well as you do. It’s gonna take time, that’s for sure, and I don’t doubt for a moment it won’t take months and lots of work. But I still love you, god I do Dan. We’re both just bad at this and don’t know what to do anymore.” Phil sighed looking at Dan. “Just stop lying to yourself and saying that you’re fine. Once you do that, things will be so much easier.” 


End file.
